a public journal: a series of first steps, missteps, standstills, and starting overs.

She looks on him with eyes that he
was never given,
but gives
and gives;
He will learn to take,
becoming another voice,
another call on the street—
but for her, he gives.

The Brother, & The Mother Never Wanted

they engage people as projects and call it “purpose.”

tpo, from Love, Actually

we are made of Water.

the water has been shut off in my apartment.

i can’t do basic things—like wash my face. or flush the toilet. or make coffee.

—that’s a triple whammy against me feeling like i can move forward in my day and do normal things. like talking, or make basic expressions with my face.

… what a dependent human being i am. perhaps that’s redundant. but also, there are those who have been stripped of these basic “necessities” in the whole of their lives. and somehow, society has shunned them for not being basically functional—judging them for not being able to hold a basic job, or basic friends, or basic hygiene. well maybe you should give them Water first, out of the surplus that you have in your faucets and waste on bubble baths and pretty fountains.

but seriously, Water is so necessary. and i’m glad that i’ve been reminded.

the outcasting is in your head.

when you measure a person according to their potentiality for change,

you begin to realize that no one’s height is linear.

attempts at reconciliation.

the tension that we live in.

a thousand years
i’ve come a long way.


don’t hold onto it so tightly that you crush the life out of it.

too, from Owners, Stewards, and Nomads

if you only love those who love you.

im thinking about what I went to college for and essentially it was to get a degree in psychology so I could eventually become a counselor but I always had an issue with the fact that I couldn’t delve into the lives of “my patients” because how you can love someone from so far and strict-boundaried in the name of professionalism? but now that I feel like I’m trying to participate in the healing of my broader community in such an intimate way I feel that their dirt is seeping into my life in a way that is only making me angrier and I realize, This is the game you signed up for lady—this is what you believe in and you are just now realizing what it looks like—feels like—to love others who could care to shit about you back?

"If you only love those who love you…" … it’s so much more simple. most people are capable of that. the test of a spirit comes when you love those who see your love as something able to be taken advantage of for their benefit—and you continue to love—unbitterly—anyway.